AN ANGEL

She was tall, elegant and poised. She was a sweetroll maker, a seamstress and a singer. She was raised in a rural country town, but you only knew that by the way she cooked melt-in-your mouth lake trout and venison. She was beautiful, kind and absolutely selfless.

She was my grandma on earth.

Now she is my angel.

I’m the little girl wrapped in my Grandma’s arms down there. You can read her body language – my grandma loved me, and she loved every single one of her grandchildren in the exact same way. I have vivid memories of Grandma as a little girl. She visited and stayed with us often, and we visited her just as much. She was a caretaker in the deepest sense of the word. My mom got really sick when I was really young, and for reasons I’m not fully sure of, I went and lived with my grandma and grandpa for, it seemed to me, a long time. I can still feel my pain from being away from my mom as I cried and cried and cried one night…my heart actually hurt. But Grandma came and picked me up. She took me to her living room chair, and by the light of the moon, she rocked me back and forth, back and forth, her soothing hands rubbing my back beneath my thick, fleece jammies. I don’t know how long I cried that night, but being a caretaker now, my midnight emotions were not convenient. Grandma didn’t let me know that, though. She soothed me calmly until my tears slowly stopped and my little body relaxed back to sleep.

I can still feel her love.

Her passing was as peaceful as she was. My sweet Grandpa was tucking her into bed when her heart simply stopped. Literally in an instant, she was back in heaven – right where her soul belongs. Grandma’s funeral was beautiful. I felt grateful for the chance to soak up her tremendous life for hours that day. She felt celebrated, just as she should have been. My Grandpa is valiantly living life without her now, his deepest, best friend. He has always been heroic in my eyes, but he is stronger and braver now more than ever. I love you, Grandpa!

We stopped by Grandma and Grandpa’s house before heading home, and I took photos of a few things that have marked my grandma’s brand in my mind since I was little.

Her her long necklaces, and her perfume bottles lined up on a mirrored tray…

Her needle-point notes!

Her family piano.

Her light blue home!

In the last month without her, I’ve prayed so frequently for her soul to be poured into mine – for her patience to be mine, for her selflessness to be mine, for her steadiness to be mine. I’ve prayed that, as an angel, her errand can be to come down and give me her qualities as I keep living this life. I have decades to go, and heaven knows how much brighter and sweeter my home and family will be if I can just be like Lora Burr. She was everything good.

Please stay close, my angel grandma. Thank you for loving me! I love you.