The sink is plum full with the dinner dishes. Tonight we had a
quinoa salad that, according to Ryan was perfect. He nearly ate the whole bowl.
I like it when he does that, even more than I like eating the quinoa, which
worked out well tonight because, with the exception of five spoonfuls, he ate
the whole entire bowl.
Ryan is back on campus now and Olivia is asleep.
I’m alone with my thoughts, a date night with myself.
This phrase, “Become who you are,” supposedly said by Pindar the
Greek poet, has been rolling around in my mind and seeing that we’re alone
together, it’s time for that idea and me to talk things out…
I think Pindar and I share the same belief: our identities don’t
start here, and they’re not confined to this thing that we’re
trying or with that thing that we
did. Developing an identity is a job of remembering as much as it is one of
creating, because everybody comes from a divine heritage.
So why, then, have I discounted myself in the past and feared – why haven’t I
followed those thoughts that were leading me to become who I am?
“Why’s” aside, I am at a new start today. My new role is Mother,
and since I haven’t ever been a mother before, the type that I want to be is
mine for determining.
I want to be a mother that acts with faith, ever becoming who she
is.
I want to be a mother teaches my children that they are already a wonderful someone,
however young they may be. I want them to know that because they see me working
at becoming. And I want them to see that doing so – that being faithful instead
of fearful – makes you so happy.
Fear is the opposite of faith. Faith is confidence; it’s the open
door to the best kind of growth and change toward becoming. My faith needs to start
trumping my fears today and always because
I am a mother – Olivia’s mother – and I am becoming who I am.
soon after giving birth to Olivia…one of the greatest, happiest moments of my young life
