Ryan and I found ourselves on the bicycle-built-for-two the other Sunday – the same tandem bike that cruised us to a spot along the Provo River Trail where Ryan, completely unexpectedly, stopped the bike, got down on one knee and – while shaking in his dress shoes – proposed to me. I screamed my “Yes!” and kissed his face and he, now laughing, stopped shaking and hugged me close. It’s wild to see: that fateful, beautiful, monumental day was 15 years ago!
We were so happy then. We had just spent two years of high school playing and dating as friends, and then two years helping each other grow while apart as Ryan served his church mission in Spain. Ryan had been home from Spain for one month when he proposed on May 1, 2011!! Epic. 🙂
Our love then was fueled by real friendship (we had become best friends), nearly identical values, the exact same goals for our future, and attraction to each other that was red hot. We had deep respect for each other – we had helped each other a lot over the previous four years – and showing up for each other selflessly shot down deep roots for our love. We were in total awe of each other, often disbelieving that he loved me and that I loved him?! I was the most amazing girl in his eyes. He was Mr. Incredible in mine.
15 years later, we are so happy now. As we’ve been married, I credit so many things for bringing us to a place of bigger love now than we had then, but something I’ll never shake is that our marriage is a house that we started building on an already-present foundation. Our friendship and dating years poured, smoothed and solidified a founding place for us to grow from, and that solid base was formed in an order that, I think, matters…
We were friends – goofy, funny, happy friends.
We lived similar lives – we watched similar movies, spoke with similar words, shared hobbies (tennis! running!), and prioritized the same things (good grades, having fun, being kind kids).
We wanted the same future! The same stars in the sky caught each of our eyes. We both felt disciplined about the same non-negotiables for reaching those starry goals, too: making God the epicenter of our lives, and being good people in the world.
And then we were in a red hot, late-night drives, kiss-me-on-my-roof, kind of love. Mmm, the best!!
Yes, we’ve made it through some hell and high water in our marriage largely because of our relationship before our marriage. How grateful I am – and will always be – for our friendship-values-goals-physical foundation. That base has been everything.
That will be my dating advice for my girls when it’s their turn to see a hot boy across the football field and dream about being his. It’ll be my advice for Duke when he can’t stop starring at a girl, wishing he could be hers. Form your foundation — in sequence! Then build and build and build the beautiful house that is your marriage.
Before you can blink, 15 years will pass and you’ll be going strong! 15 years will pass and you’ll be infinitely more in love.
I love this advice! This is what it’s all about.