I’ve been pulled back to my blog in the last few weeks for a few reasons and I’ve loved being here again. I love the no-pressure aspect of blogging for me — it is what it is, really — my family’s magazine and, trying to be like wise ol’ Winnie the Pooh, my thinking spot. Having a space that’s all mine to share my thoughts and feelings is soul food for me. I’ve never really been able to quit this space after 7 years for that reason, albeit my great hiatuses. I like my online home. 🙂
One of the reasons I’ve felt pulled back here to write more often is for my girls’ futures as women. Yes the photographing and editing of the current is a blast (a blog really is like your own magazine), but I have to keep up with this record for my girls to lean on when they’re older and needing hope. If this blog can be their glimpse into what life was like for me as a young mom, and somehow offer them hope that they’ll make it in their lives — because look girls, look at us all and happy and we are making it! — in my mind, I’ll be a success. I will have had a full career. 🙂
On that note! Two entires from my journal are below — play-by-plays of two of our recent days. Most days are really crazy around here. I am so tired. But I’m surviving – I really don’t feel overwhelmed. Maxed out? YES. But like I’m drowning? No. I have 3-4 of the wild, “Take 1” days every week; then I’m graced with 2-3 days of calm, “Take 2” days. Teeeeter, totter. Teeter teeter, totter…all is well. 💛
A DAY IN THE LIFE, TAKE 1: Thursday, September 12
Today started at 12:00 AM.
Chloe didn’t go to sleep last night. Well, she didn’t stay asleep. She went down at 7:30 (her usual), but then right as I was crawling into bed – 11:00 PM – she was awake. Sugar and I played the up-and-down game until 2:30: help her sleep, put her down, I go back to bed, I lay down, she wakes up. Up and down, up and down. Emmy woke up at 2:30, right as I laid Chloe in her bed for what felt like the 50th time. I finished with Emmy, Chloe was awake again. I caved, bringing her into bed with me (I really like my bed. My bed = my space). She and I crashed. Either she was finally worn out or Sugar knew that she finally won. She looked awful cozy and content, snuggled there in between her parents.
I think she knew she won. 🙂
The big girls were up at 6:30. Off to the races. Diaper changing, outfit picking, hair doing, breakfast making, lunch making, quickly-family-praying because suddenly it’s 7:57, and Olivia is going to be late for school. Running. Every morning finds us running to the school for drop off. We were early to school one day last year – the first day of school. So far this year’s track record is proving to be the same. We were at the school at 7:50 on Monday, August 29. Our ETA has been 7:59 every day since.
Drop off done, I ran back home. I put Chloe down for her nap, kissed Ryan goodbye, got Claire and Emmy started on some coloring, I exercised. I listened to a GC talk since my spirit was feeling drained – since my body was drained – “Temples” by Elder Bednar. Soul food. I needed it. Then broke up a sister fight, showered my body (no time for hair), got dressed, fed the now-awake Chloe.
10:00 AM.
I buckle the girls in the car — off to the doctor’s for Claire. Blood draw #2 in the last week for that angel. I corralled Emmy while in the lab, while smiling at Chloe, while talking to the lab techs. Emmy was so intrigued with the blue trash bin for used needles (of allll the things). Sis knows when she’s not supposed to be into something, and when she’s not supposed to be into something, she goes for it double time. While keeping her back from that bin with one arm, I rocked Chloe in the carseat with my foot and held Claire on my lap for the draw. “Just relax. Take a deep breath,” I told her. Ironic, considering that my heart rate was exploding from all the juggling I was doing. The techs finished, we high-tailed it out of there. On to the day’s errands.
Lots of errands. Lunch. Console tired Chloe. Clean up just a little. Time to pick up Olivia.
Pick up went fast. Olivia said that she had a great day, despite the girl that bullied her last year hanging around. I hugged her. She has been through a lot already in her little life, the incredible girl. I remind myself to be gentle to her and patient with her strong will as we start running the last, longest lap of our day.
Gymnastics. We made it just in time. Olivia ran inside while I parked the car. We spent the next hour entertaining ourselves while simultaneously watching Olivia from the upstairs landing. Olivia Doll had her best gym day yet: she mastered the backbend kick-over and climbed the giant rope. Claire had her best gym day yet — she didn’t do gym. 🙂 Claire has decided to dance instead of gym this year (we’ll see how it goes). Emmy had her best gym day yet. She made no attempts to dash out onto the forbidden gym floor. There was a parrot in the office today, and even though the parrot wasn’t a fan of Emmy, Emmy was a fan of the parrot. Chloe had her best gym day yet! She snuggled in my arms the whole time. I don’t think she made one single sound. Chloe is chill.
5:00. We drove home. The girls watched a show while I made dinner at lightning speed; Chloe fell asleep on the drive home, which means I had T-15 minutes to make dinner since she doesn’t nap int he carseat for long. Thank goodness, I finished dinner right as Sugar woke up. I dished up the girls’ plates, and mine, but I didn’t touch mine as I watched the girls eat theirs — I was nursing Chloe. Chloe finished, I stuffed my face. On to bedtime.
Ryan texted that he would be home at 6:15. I know that means more like 6:45, so we carried on toward bedtime. Teeth, jammies, hair, diapers for Emmy and Chloe. Books – just one – before Chloe and I broke off to nurse her for the night. 6:45. Daddy pulled up right on the money and totally to our rescue. It’s so hard for me to break off from the girls in their room to put Chloe down…the girls just don’t get the hang of putting themselves entirely to sleep. They like a buddy in there till they’ve drifted off to dreamland. Ryan was that buddy and I was so grateful. I nursed Chloe in peace.
The house is quiet. Alone, I start this blog post. Minutes later, I stop. Olivia is out of bed and this is what she said: “I can’t sleep Mom. Can you come cuddle me?” I know that means, “Can you come talk to me for the next 20 minutes? About everything?” So off we go.
We talk about the presents her friends might bring her at her birthday party; her teacher’s exposed armpits (she wears tank tops) and her gray arm pit skin (“Why is her skin under there gray, mom?” “Hmm, probably because of her deodorant?” “EW.”). We go back to talking about her party some more. I tell her that I love her and to fall asleep now. “Cuddle up to Daddy.” Daddy was lying next to us the whole time, you see. He crashed while putting them down. He worked through the night last night, too. Our jobs are more similar than different these days.
“Okay,” Olivia says. “But just come check on me. In a few?”
“Yes, darling. I’ll come back in a few.”
“Phew.”
8:49 PM. It’s been a few, so it’s time for me to check on her. I said I would, you know. Even though I feel like having a bowl of cereal and talking to Ryan, I’ll go snuggle my Olivia one more time, get myself ready for bed, wake Ryan up, kiss him goodnight, and maybe – just maybe? – I’ll get in two hours of sleep before we start all over again.
A DAY IN THE LIFE, TAKE 2: Friday, September 13
Today could not have more been opposite than yesterday.
We woke up. We cranked the AM gears — got dressed, made breakfast and lunch, dropped Olivia off, said “bye” to Dad. But then? Chloe took a nap; Emmy and Claire played; I exercised; I read the good word. Chloe woke up, we all played, nap time again. “The Grinch” babysat the girls while I TOOK A NAP (cue tears of joy). I showered, the girls played, Chloe woke up, we picked up Olivia from school. Aunt Elise surprised us (!!!) with a visit (she was in LA all week), so we hit the town for an hour before dinner, then bath and books and bed.
No running around the town. Not juggling three babies at once. No crazy. Just calm.
Comparing my today with my two-days-ago has me smiling. Running your family’s life, man — it’s a bonafide rollercoaster. From zooming straight ahead to being flipped upside down, one day you’re here and the next you’re there and there’s really no way of controlling what part of the ride you’ll be riding when, so best just to buckle up for the whole shebang, screaming, laughing, and crying and deep-breathing. Through the moments of taking off joyfully into the bluest parts of the sky, to speeding through an upside-down loop, white knuckling the small restraint you have on this ride, praying you’ll come out alive. And then, zoom, swoop, roll – a new day! – the ride changed. The stress is over. You came out alive! And you’re smiling and laughing again while wiping away the tears of fear that were choking you up a moment before. Because those ups and downs? That’s what makes up a rollercoaster, after all.
Life is a ride.
