“Give me something silly!” I said.
Eeeeeeasy. 🤨😙😄😉
Worked all day to soak up their silliness and laugh off today. Today was a doozy. But just about every other day around here is a doozy. And I have come to realize that I’ve joined the ranks of women across the world with lots of children whose every day — no matter how organized, pre-planned or well-dreamt — is a doozy. Which is fine! Totally great. You just have to keep laughing somehow, someway. You have to keep your chin up in order to keep your head from sinking beneath the waters. Just keep swimming.
Like today? I was grocery shopping at Trader Joe’s with 3 of my 4 when a man in turned to me and said, “Please don’t tell me you’re going to have another one.”
Ummm, excuse me?
“I already have another one.”
“Please don’t tell me it’s a girl.”
“It’s a girl” I said, with a mama bear stare and a bit o’ fire in my eyes, thinking of the beautiful fourth girl that he was so baffled that I have. Then I got a “You’re at the grocery store with three kids?!” from a lady, and the claaaaasic, “You’ve got your hands full!” from someone else.
FIRST OF ALL: saying that latter phrase to a mom with kids is like telling your friend who may have gained some weight that they’re carrying a few extra pounds. FIRST OF ALL: “extra weight” is relative. Who are you to point out that their different-than-before size is less of a size? What if she likes her size (because she should like her size)! “Hands full” is relative. Who are you to imply that what I’ve got going on isn’t what I want going on? Even if I AM busy — even if your friend has a new physique — they know.
Yes, my hands are full.
I know.
I had to put in some work to blast the naysayers out of my mind for the rest of the trip but I did it. You know what was my amo? “Your children are so behaved and so, so cute. Ah! I could die!” 😍
Kind words from someone else.
I’ve shared similar thoughts to this before in an Instagram post, but after the 3:1 ratio of bad:good comments I got today, I have have to stand up and say again: BE NICE. Be supportive. Encourage. Applaud. If someone looks stressed out in the grocery store, I invite you to hold your peace. Send up a prayer for them instead. Maybe smile at them if you can be genuine about it?? I was as grateful for the 50 people that didn’t feel the need to say anything to me in the grocery store today as I was for the one woman who did say something kind (I’m just like y’all, after all — here to pick up my produce and bounce)! But if you feel so compelled to speak to the next mom you see in Trader Joe’s, do not bother saying anything to her other than “Good job. You’re doing great. Keep it up, friend!”
If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.
And friend, if you’re on the same side of the fence as me — hands full and going 150 mph daily — focus on the positive. They only way to keep from mentally sinking is to focus on the positive. My brother works for a famed sports psychologist whose research has found that it takes 2.91 positive thoughts to balance out the effect of 1 negative thought on the psyche. THINK IN THE POSITIVE. So maybe you are a little overwhelmed? Outnumbered? Understaffed? Super-demanded-of? Think “I will eat this elephant one bite at a time”instead of “I am overwhelmed. This is bigger than me. I just can’t do this.” Because yes, my friend. You can do this.
One
bite
at a
time.
“You’re children are so well behaved.”
“So so cute”
“I could die!…” 😍
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
2.91 positive thoughts knocking out the negative 1.
I’m still swimming! 🙂
💛💛💛
