KEEP GIVING

a favorite Brian Kershisnik piece

My chest tightened near my heart when I saw
this. The woman in this piece – is she a mother?

Shoulders hunched and head down, she seems to be
carrying something greater than her. Uncertain of her task, her next step, her
plan, she needs help.

That was me in my first months as a mother.
Weighed down and often overwhelmed with the task of nurturing, at one
point in my mind, I wasn’t sure if it was right. The sleepless nights, the
constant demands, the loss of total determination of my time and
energy – how could it be right? How could it be good for me?

But then my heart spoke and said that it was.

Of course I didn’t believe it at first – that
replacing my foremost needs and wants with my daughter’s was not just good but
wonderful, and that I wanted that kind of refinement. 

Taking a risk, I heeded those deep feelings to give
and keep giving, rather than the surface ones that said I couldn’t do it. I
practiced the giving over and over and over again as something inside me
said that it was good. And with time – with long, slow time – I watched my
daughter grow, and I knew that it was.

I know that it is. 

Several nights of the last week have been sleepless
because my baby has needed me. Two nights ago, I found myself weighed down
again and wondering why I had to be the one with the answers to her
needs. Why did it have to be me?

Then, gently but quickly, that true feeling came
back – sacrifice is good – and with more hands helping than I could see, I kept giving.

And I will keep giving. Sacrifice, whatever the type and for whatever
reason, is good.