Sunday, April 9, 2017
Pic via: the kitchen table one morning. And by "morning" I mean 11:00 AM. There's no way I could have this kind of food ready for myself before then. Also, this gig was a one time deal. You all know what I'm really eating for breakfast (desperately grabbing fistfuls of crackers for breakfast instead... 🙌)
Entry from Wednesday, April 5
2 Nephi 27:23
"Behold, I am God; and I am a God of miracles."

And He always has been and always will be and He works in conjunction with my faith. Yes, I know. But after another terrible night with Emmy, I feel low on faith. It's so hard to be struggling, to call out for help - help that you really really need (like now!) - and to not get the help. Your prayer was your exerted faith, but it didn't merit the answer you need, if any answer at all, so...?

It's so hard to be human. I will try to believe that His answers (or lack thereof) and the absolute best thing for me, even when they don't make sense. Trying to believe is faith, too, you know. It is faith, too.


  1. Newborn is so hard. I remember listening to a talk by Sheri Dew when Gracie was just born. I was struggling BIG time (the emotional roller coaster from exhaustion and everything else was overwhelming so much of the time). Anyway, I remember Sheri Dew explaining that she was recently preparing to give an important presentation to the Q of 12. She felt intimidated, inadequate and vulnerable. So, she prayed. But in her prayers she said something that stuck out to me. Her prayer said, "Lord, would the angels who care about this presentation please accompany me." (I believe its from her BYU Women's Conference talk "Sweet Above All that is Sweet". So, I started to apply that line to my prayers: "Lord, would the angels who care about this baby and this mamma (ME!) please be with me today. Right now, in this moment."

    Like you described, the comfort and strength sometimes wouldn't come until later in the day or even some other day (at least in ways that my sleep deprived self could see). But other times, I could feel the spirit direct me through a near-outburst, or a sob session (I had a lot of those), or a predicament I could NOT solve.

    I know "advice" is the last thing you need from me -- think of this more as encouragement; a note from a cheerleader on the sidelines. And if it helps at all, I hope you know how much I look up to you. So many times I think to myself, "How did Jeni solve a similar problem?" And then I go about trying to view my situations from the perspective you share online. "How can I be a little more graceful like Jeni is? How can I acknowledge the struggle while still seeing the beauty in all of it?"

    I wish you all the best in these next few months. No doubt they will be hard, but you can do it!

    1. SWEETheart, I'll take advice from you any day. Thank you for this. Again and again and again!!

      It is beautiful. I'm so grateful to you for taking the time to come over here and read to and to write out such comforting and wise reply. I'm going to say the same thing you and that sage, Sister Dew, said in my prayers this week. How sweet it is to imagine the "angels who CARE" (or who are maybe assigned to me?) swooping down to help. Thank you for sparking my faith there, Katie, as you do so often with your strong, strong words and testimony. You are a gift!

      LOVE YOU. <3


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