Tuesday, September 13, 2016

I posted that middle photo up there on Insta last night - shared the good news that I am finally (finally!) closer to sharing our COLOR BLOCKS! I mentioned the Blocks for the first time here on my blog waaaaay back here. I thought I'd launch these little guys last late winter/spring, but life rolled, we rolled with it, and I'm here now reaching my goal to share + sell this sweet toy. And I'm totally okay with that. I am a believer in "better late than never." Regarding your goals, healing relationships, cleaning up your spiritual slate, or doing your crazy dreams (like hang gliding?? I'd go crazy and hang glide. And if not by the time I'm 30 then 70 :)) -- whatever you feel a need to do, do it. And if not now, then later.

Our shoot yesterday was the second I've done for the Blocks in the last week, and it was in prepping for the first shoot that I stopped myself mentally and was like, "Okay. Why am I doing this? Why do I care?" Ryan was taking time out of his morning to be with the girls, I was feeling semi-frantic since the good light in my house was fleeting - I was getting scared - and that's when you back-track. What is all of this for? 

But my heart spoke up fast: I was inspired by the girls' needs to make the toy, I made it, and then I felt the drive to push myself and sell it because - and here's the ultimate kicker - I like pushing my limits. My life's history is indicative of this innate drive I've always had to go for whatever "something" is big for me.  I love learning. I love pushing. I love achieving. And then I love moving on to the next big thing - for me - and repeating.

And just this morning I figured out why that drive is alive! Listening to an address by a female leader in my church, Sister Mary G. Cook, found me understanding my limit-pushing-self in a way that I haven't ever before. The text of her speech isn't out yet, but I listened to her repeatedly until I could get this part of her message down verbatim:

"Our self-esteem is enhanced when certain basic needs are met...[IE] the need to be loved, the need to be accepted, and the need to succeed or achieve. When these needs are not met...[we feel] frustration, discouragement, self-pity, isolation, and loneliness."

I feel those negative effects of not achieving -"frustration, discouragement, self-pity, isolation, and loneliness." And consequentially, my little family does, too (which I hate even more than feeling those negative feelings)! Don't know why I've forever been so sensitive in this arena of life, but I have been. So Jeni keeps pushing.

In case you feel that gnawing hunger to push yourself, too, but you're afraid to try - just do it. Just try. It is okay to feel like you need to keep succeeding at things you care about, especially if you're in the thick of motherhood. The more solid self-esteem we women have, if not for our sakes than for our children's, all the better.

Over and out. For now. ;)


PS, you've got to listen to Sister Cook's entire address HERE. And follow it up with Elder Cook's thoughts, too. You will be filled! 


  1. I felt like Elder and Sister Cook's talk were meant just for me. I love what you took from it as well. Love this Jeni! You go girl!

    1. Weren't they phenomenal?? I feel the exact same way - they were for me. I'm still feeling grateful for them. Can't wait to see you next week, girl!! Love you!


Copyright Jeni Awerkamp 2016. Powered by Blogger.
Back to Top