NOTE TO SELF | RESOLUTION #2

Friday, January 3, 2014
Photo: Resolution #2. It's written on a small piece of paper and tucked into a small envelope, which envelope is now tucked inside my journal. That's where I'll see it everyday. 

My 2013 was much like my 2003. In 2003 I started junior high - a clean, 7th-grader-canvas with a million identity options around me for the choosing. I remember thinking often that year, “I am am going to be this, I am not going to be that.” And then, just like they say, choice upon choice painted my young self’s portrait. I turned out yellow, red, a bit of white, and all sorts of warm hues in between.

Now from the deck of 2014, I can see so clearly that my first full year as a mother came with a million identity options to choose from, and at times I struggled with who I wanted to be and who I was. Maybe even more than when in the 7th grade. 

2013 still rocked - most of its months found me feeling and being sure and bright. But there were real, contrasting times when I thought that my self – in comparison to others – wasn’t quite good enough. And rather than running from comparison, that thief of joy, I internally focused on swimming with the masses. But that fight left me asking way too often, “Am I good enough – yet?” Which is, I've learned, an unnecessary, heavy question to carry around.

So this year I’m resolving to stick with a truth that, truly, I’ve resonated with for forever: I absolutely love who I am, and who I am is absolutely fine. Most of the world can keep swimming. I’ll be over here treading water. 

I believe that everyone has a distinct, divine nature, and in 2014 I’m going to give mine more credit. I am going to let my self be. And she will be good enough.

“Note to self – remember your divine nature. Let that shine through and all will be well.” 

2 comments:

  1. love. love. LOVE this Jeni! One of my favorite posts of yours. Thanks for sharing your bright light, always!

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  2. Agreed, one of my favs. Your honesty and outlook is inspiring. Love this, Jeni!

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