Photo: Resolution #2. It's written on a small piece of paper and tucked into a small envelope, which envelope is now tucked inside my journal. That's where I'll see it everyday.
My 2013 was much like my 2003. In 2003 I started
junior high - a clean, 7th-grader-canvas with a million identity options around me for
the choosing. I remember thinking often that year, “I am am going to be this, I am not going
to be that.” And then, just like they
say, choice upon choice painted my young self’s portrait. I turned out yellow, red, a bit of white, and all sorts of warm hues in between.
Now from the deck of 2014, I can see so clearly that my first full year as a mother came
with a million identity options to choose from, and at times I struggled with who I
wanted to be and who I was. Maybe even more than when in the 7th grade.
2013 still rocked - most of its months found me feeling and being sure and bright. But there were real, contrasting times when I thought that my self – in comparison to others – wasn’t quite good enough. And rather than running from comparison, that thief of joy, I internally focused on swimming with the masses. But that fight left me asking way too often, “Am I good enough – yet?” Which is, I've learned, an unnecessary, heavy question to carry around.
2013 still rocked - most of its months found me feeling and being sure and bright. But there were real, contrasting times when I thought that my self – in comparison to others – wasn’t quite good enough. And rather than running from comparison, that thief of joy, I internally focused on swimming with the masses. But that fight left me asking way too often, “Am I good enough – yet?” Which is, I've learned, an unnecessary, heavy question to carry around.
So this year I’m resolving to stick with a truth that,
truly, I’ve resonated with for forever: I absolutely love who I am, and who I
am is absolutely fine. Most of the world can keep swimming. I’ll be over here treading water.
I believe that everyone has a distinct, divine nature, and in 2014 I’m going to give
mine more credit. I am going to let my self be.
And she will be good enough.
“Note to self – remember your divine nature. Let that shine through and all will be well.”
“Note to self – remember your divine nature. Let that shine through and all will be well.”
love. love. LOVE this Jeni! One of my favorite posts of yours. Thanks for sharing your bright light, always!
ReplyDeleteAgreed, one of my favs. Your honesty and outlook is inspiring. Love this, Jeni!
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