KEEP GIVING

Wednesday, June 5, 2013
a favorite Brian Kershisnik piece

My chest tightened near my heart when I saw this. The woman in this piece - is she a mother?

Shoulders hunched and head down, she seems to be carrying something greater than her. Uncertain of her task, her next step, her plan, she needs help.

That was me in my first months as a mother. Weighed down and often overwhelmed with the task of nurturing, at one point in my mind, I wasn't sure if it was right. The sleepless nights, the constant demands, the loss of total determination of my time and energy - how could it be right? How could it be good for me?

But then my heart spoke and said that it was.

Of course I didn't believe it at first - that replacing my foremost needs and wants with my daughter's was not just good but wonderful, and that I wanted that kind of refinement. 

Taking a risk, I heeded those deep feelings to give and keep giving, rather than the surface ones that said I couldn't do it. I practiced the giving over and over and over again as something inside me said that it was good. And with time - with long, slow time - I watched my daughter grow, and I knew that it was.

I know that it is

Several nights of the last week have been sleepless because my baby has needed me. Two nights ago, I found myself weighed down again and wondering why I had to be the one with the answers to her needs. Why did it have to be me?

Then, gently but quickly, that true feeling came back - sacrifice is good - and with more hands helping than I could see, I kept giving.

And I will keep giving. Sacrifice, whatever the type and for whatever reason, is good.

2 comments:

  1. This was amazing Jeni. You are amazing. Thanks for sharing. It is so honest and I am sure many can relate. I love it :)

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  2. i. absolutely. LOVE. this!!! and you!
    i want to thank you for blogging about inspiring things. i may or may not have recently ranted that on my blog recently. thank you for remembering what's important and for using media the way the Lord's asked us to. i'm such a fan of your blog.
    p.s. your hub and i work on the same floor at the mtc. i feel like i know him because i've heard so much about him...even from when you met him in st. g, he went on his mish, etc. :) sooo happy for you, jeni. so so happy for you. you deserve all the happiness in the world. you're amazing!

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