Thursday, February 21, 2013

His hair is flat because he walked home in the falling snow, and that one side is poofing out because he needs a trim. It always does when he needs a trim. 

He's making baby expressions in a baby voice because Olivia gets that and she loves that. He's speaking her language. He's making her happy.

He's never looked so good in my eyes. 

More than that, Ryan has never been so good - that's what I think as I watch him father. I've felt for years that Ryan is the truest, cleanest, strongest, kindest man I know. From our high school days, to his mission, to our engagement, wedding day, and through all the months after, he has never disappointed. But now, as a father, he is the best he has ever been.

So maybe fatherhood isn't the whole reason for making him better, but I know it is the reason I love him more. We accomplished something hard together via Olivia's birth, and we're making great progress together up a good, hard trail called "Meet Olivia's Needs."

So then maybe it's greater love for him that makes me think he is truer, cleaner, stronger, and kinder.

Either way, the point that my bursting heart yearns to make is this: I've never loved Ryan more than I do right now. 

Ryan has the courage and the drive to be a father in between being a student, an employee of two jobs, and a young husband (which is, in all good truth, his most stressful role of all), and I am so grateful for his bravery. His natural confidence in being a father gives me the stuff I need to make some confidence for myself to be a mother. 

How can I thank you enough, my wonderful? 

James Therber said this, "Love is what you go through together," and I believe him. Here here, Mr. Therber, you are right. I have loved Ryan from the start, but nothing has brought us closer than being parents.

That last statement is contrary to popular belief. Most folks these days find that children lessen love in marriage because raising a child is just that hard. And nurturing is demanding, no doubt. It taxes you both unlike anything else.

But when I'm losing steam - when I'm every kind of tired there is - that's when Ryan comes in. He picks me up, listens to my tears, tells me that I'm wonderful, and finishes the dishes. After that, how could I love him less? 

Naturally, and so easily, of course that's when I love him more. 

And in two day's time when I'll be in need of another boost, he will genuinely and selflessly be there, and I will fall even further for him.

Love is what you go through together, it's true. And my happiness, my marriage, and my Ryan has never been so real. It's never been so good.

1 comment:

  1. Jeni, I am so grateful you have started blogging - and so blessed by your words. I still remember your sweet answer you gave me when I asked you almost six years ago now, "How are you ALWAYS so happy?" You answered - "well, I have a wonderful family, books, and the Gospel. What more could I want?" and then continued to smile. I adored that answer - and have never forgotten it. Thank you for being a light - a true example. Your motherhood journey is going to be absolutely beautiful.


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