COMING DOWN WITH DEPRESSION, PART I: HURTING

Sunday, May 19, 2019
Hi friends! I said I'd be back with some big blog posts to share before my sweet baby girl is born, and here is one of them (the most important one). It's the first post in a little two-part series I've written on my experiences with anxiety and depression. I personally feel that everyone has a mental health story. None of our bodies are exempt from getting sick, so why wouldn't each of our minds, at times, also be unwell? 

Part I below is definitely cathartic. It's one of my life's most layered stories and writing it coherently was hard, but I'm so happy to finally share it. Writing it all out helped me process my feelings immensely, so while it's kind of lengthy, it is what my soul needed. That said, pull up a chair! Get comfy. Thank you in advance for reading. 

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A devastating flood hit my parents’ home the week before Olivia was born. It was the last thing Southern Utah's desert expected to see that fall — it rattled the whole Santa Clara valley — but Mom still came to help a few days after my sweet girl arrived. Bringing lavender for diffusing, a tall stack of the best burp cloths ever made, and a soft place for my shell-shocked soul to land, her seasoned motherly presence was more than calming. I needed her and the assurance she brought that I could be a mom, because the first days of mothering Olivia without a mentor had me wondering. I deeply loved my baby, but I wasn't expecting the immediate, immense amount of work that came with having her. Naive, I know, but I either never heard that you hit the ground running the second your baby is delivered, or someone did tell me and I just glazed past reality, daydreaming instead of the newborn bliss I seemed to see everywhere. You and your velvety baby cuddling each other to sleep. Cooing and ooh-ing and ahh-ing at the newborn you made, her finger wrapped around yours. Calming your baby's cries with speed and ease and without the slightest bit of stress.

COMING DOWN WITH DEPRESSION, PART II: HEALING

This is the second post in a little two-part series I've written on my experiences with anxiety and depression. I personally feel that everyone has a mental health story. None of our bodies are exempt from getting sick, so why wouldn't each of our minds, at times, also be unwell? I'm so happy to finally share story with you. Read Part I here -- COMING DOWN WITH DEPRESSION, PART I: HURTING. And for Part II, read on... ๐Ÿ’›

AN UPDATE ON LIFE!

Saturday, April 20, 2019
Whoa whoa whoa!

HAPPY MID-APRIL. Woo! It's been a while, little Blog. I've been busy! Not so busy that I can't relax, but not so relaxed that I feel fidgety (my yellow-red people out in the world get me there). Best of both worlds.

Growing our fourth baby girl has kept me busy. And sleepy! More than a few evenings have found me hitting the hay early. I love giving myself the gift of going to bed early, honestly, because sleep is still such a priceless gift around here. I mean, we're nowhere near the unbelievably long and hard nights of Emmy's baby life, but it's still unusual for me to get an uninterrupted night of sleep. With three little dolls in the house, inevitably one (if not two?) needs something at some point in the dead of the night. I was really tired this week after one majorly up-and-down night, and I had to sit and think for a second about whether it's good or bad that I'm still not super sleeping as we look ahead to having Baby Girl. Because, I mean, I'm not sleeping! I'm used to getting up and working and going back to bed! And then it's like, but wait, I'm not sleeping...?!? Ah well. If I've learned anything in dealing with sleep deprivation and fatigue, it's not to let my mind stay in a place of analysis or wonder or worry, basically over anything and everything. Life is what it is. Best to do my best, count the blessings, literally smile and move on.

SUGAR, SPICE, AND EVERYTHING NICE...

Saturday, January 19, 2019
Life gave us the sweetest surprise yesterday -- Our Tiny Baby is aaaa --

HO HO HO...WHOA!

Monday, December 24, 2018
SURPRISE!!!

Baby 4 is coming to town (in June)!

Couldn't think of a better way to say and celebrate "Merry Christmas" to the world than to share our sweet news! I'm 15 weeks along, so the secret has been with Ryan and me for a while now, but since my belly isn't letting us stay silent anymore, and our latest ultra-sound showed the sweetest, wiggliest little baby with a beautifully beating heart, the present's officially outta the bag. ;)

We are so grateful for this baby already. He/she started tapping on mine and Ryan's hearts a bit ago, but neither of us were ready (the three-kid transition whooped us -- can't lie)! But Baby finally got on its way after staying persistent, and after Ryan had a dream of he and I holding the most precious newborn and being elated ("after you rocked labor and delivery!" he added to me ๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜‚). You never know if/when growing your family will be difficult, so even though we're tired (are we ever not going to be tired?!), we are deeply grateful that Baby is en route. June will be the brightest month!

We shot the above photos real quick before church one Sunday with my tripod. The girls still didn't know about the baby, so all they were told here was to 1) "smile!" for that first pic, and 2) "be silly!" for the second shot, hence Olivia's mad face. Sis is soooooo not mad about this little one coming! If only she would've known then what Mama and Daddy were doing behind her... ;)

Both the first and last photos were part of our Christmas card this year, which is how we announced this pregnancy to our family and close friends. I captioned the card just like the title of this post - "HO HO HO..." on the front, and "WHOA!" on the back. No one was expecting to see a baby belly when they flipped the card, so everyone spazzed out when they did. We know because we had most of our family take a "sneak peek" of our card via FaceTime, and I handed out a handful of them personally to some of my SD girls. People's shock and joy has been such a fun aspect of this baby's coming!

"Close" is my word for this baby and our journey together so far. Baby has been gentle to me, and I've felt the strongest connection to him/her already. It's that kind of magic that keeps you going when it comes to growing your family, you know. A special something happens to you and that tiny baby inside as they grow...your two hearts fuse. Makes me so excited to have this Tiny in my arms this summer. We are all so thrilled!

XO, sweet friends. Thanks for reading! And Merry Christmas!! ๐ŸŽ„๐Ÿ’›
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